Wandering Spirit

Found complete peace Thursday night, just before midnight. I was with her, and because of Hospice care I was allowed to give her medication hourly to keep her comfortable.

Jason was there all day and Mandy nearly all day, but I sent them home to sleep. It was hard, knowing mom was leaving, but not knowing when….not knowing which breath would be her last…
one of the most poignant times I’ve experienced in my life…but I’m thankful I was there. I’m thankful it was a private, comfortable setting, with the only interventions chosen For maximum comfort.

It all happened so quickly, but really, what more can we ask for, but a peaceful and quick transition as we leave our bodies and become pure spirit.

Mom, less than three months ago

The month of May brought me from the Most Beautiful And Romantic Wedding of my son Jason and his beautiful bride Mandy, to my moms sudden decline and diagnosis of cancer.

The month of June is bringing my mom her last days in this world, as she lies peacefully doing the inner work of separating from all that is physical, and preparing to enter the world of spirit.  She is quiet and peaceful.

“Eventually the petals fade and fall off the rose.

One by one they flutter to the ground or blow away in the soft breath of the wind.

Soon, only the sweet memory of the rose, remains.

The fragility and delicacy of each soft petal….

Wisps of pink and lavender….

Tenderness and beauty.

I love you mom.”

PS  Good report from my Echocardiogram  Holter Monitor results aren’t back yet.

But this time it’s not about me, it’s about my mom. She has been doing pretty well physically for someone 90 years of age. A couple of weeks ago she went to the ER for chest pain, but it seemed to be related to indigestion instead. Since then she seemed generally improved, until Friday. Saturday she went to the ER again where more tests were done, with more yet to come, but that day the ER doctor took me aside and began trying to prepare me for some possible bad news that he suspects.

So all my piss and vinegar concerning my questionable EKG is…not gone…but running in the background now, as my mind spins off in other directions, with other concerns.

I’ll be staying in this general area for awhile now…no idea exactly how long or what happens next.

Saturday was an emotional roller coaster day, starting at 4 something in the morning when I got the call that an ambulance was coming for my mom, until midnight when I got back from a beautiful celebration of gift opening for the bride and groom ( just back from their honeymoon), combined with celebrating mothers day. The party was with Mandy’s immediate family. The ‘youngsters’ made a yummy dinner for the moms, and for Mandy’s dad. Sharon (Mandy’s mom) and I walked through her beautiful gardens, sat in front of a roaring fire sipping wine, talking, and gazing at the expanse of ocean beyond. Later we all danced and laughed and Jason and Mandy opened their remaining wedding gifts…so much fun to watch.

Meanwhile, last night (Sunday), Laura and Joel (Joel Pole) along with many Stones friends I’ve met over the years, were in San Diego to see Mick and the boys. This will be the first tour I’ve missed in many a year, but when the ticket buying was going on I just had a feeling to hold off this time. I’m glad I paid attention because I need to Be Here Now. Besides in the 50 years since I saw my first Stones concert on November 26, 1965, I’ve seen them perform nearly 40 times. So last night I was here watching a concert from 9 years ago on CD. If my heart skipped any beats, it was for that man…Thee Man…bouncing around up on stage.

At first I thought I wouldn’t share this in my blog.  After having slept on it, I’ve decided to, because this is about my life on the road, and the new situation I’ve encountered effects that, a lot.

I’ve been seeing all my doctors while I’m here and getting good reports….up until yesterday, when I hit a bump in the road, so to speak.

The “Welcome To Medicare” physical includes an EKG.  The machine called mine normal but the doctor disagreed.  She showed me on the print out how a couple of heart beats were farther apart than the rest….irregular, she called it.  She asked me about symptoms related to this kind of arrhythmia like dizziness?  Heart palpitations?  Fainting?  NO. NO. And NO.  Chest pain?  NO.

My coping mechanism of choice….denial.  I’m fine.  No symptoms.  I’ve got beautiful places to see and things to do.  Let me out of here!  It’s a fluke.  It’s normal for me.  This is going to lead to a lot of unnecessary tests and mess up my plans to boot.  Damn. Damn. Damn.

That’s what I was thinking and my face must have reflected those thoughts because my doctor began to talk rather urgently to me about being on the road, driving.  Alone.  A lot.  Not necessarily near any hospitals.  And since for me it’s all about the dogs, my mind goes to the scene where I keel over and they are left alone somewhere out there.  So I get scared and begrudgingly give in to the doctors insistence on more tests.  Damn.  Damn.  Damn.

Yes, I know, I was an RN, however, I make a very unwilling patient, bordering on “noncompliance”.  In this case fear wins and I am now scheduled to wear a Holter Monitor for 24 hours starting the morning of May 27.  Then because I opened my big mouth and mentioned I had Rheumatic Fever as a kid, I’m scheduled for a 2D Echo on June 1, to see if there is any heart valve damage.

I was supposed to be well up state on June 1.  The time in my vacation rental is over on May 29.  My friend Mary (the Prius RVer), is welcoming me with open arms to her home, so I will have a place to stay.  My friend Terri is insisting on going with me to my appointments for moral support.

At this point I’m canceling reservations I had for my first 4 nights on the road.

See, this is when some Zen-ness would come in very handy , and this is when it’s harder to come by.

Looks like I’ll be getting some practice in that area now….!

The pictures below, from my file, create some peace in me.  Maybe some of them will do the same for you.

I’ve learned more about being “in the moment” from Joy and Shiloh than I have from any human or book.

Here is a prime example from “the kids”….

I’m taking them to the beach.  They LOVE going to the beach, and they know the “beach” word.  In Seaside, where we are now, they have been to the beach uncountable times in the past.  The beach is long and lonely, just the way we like it.  Usually I can count the humans I see there on the fingers of one hand.

To get there we park behind Orchard Supply Hardware, and walk on the recreation trail under the freeway (Highway 1), across a sandy access, then down to the beach.  You would think….or at least I would think….that once parked and out of the truck the dogs would want to race, not walk, to the beach area, but this is never the case.  They stop and smell the roses at every opportunity.  Ok, for them it’s not really roses, but every spot where another dog has peed, where any little critter has passed, and so many other places where there are smells that I will never know about or understand.

Smelling the ‘roses’

More ‘roses’ along the recreation trail on the way to the beach

The point is, they are not goal oriented to get to the beach as I would tend to be.  They are “in the moment” with their noses, every step of the way.  I urge them on with “C’mon, don’t you want to go to the beach??”  If they spoke english it seems like their answer would be, “all in good time mom, all in good time.”

Below are scenes from the beach.  It’s typical to have clouds and/or fog in the morning here.  Quite beautiful….

The first two pictures are facing south, and that is the Monterey Peninsula in the background.

I have been stationary in Seaside, California since May 1, and the plan is to stay for the rest of the month!

I decided months ago that when I came into the Monterery area for the wedding, since I’m here it would be a good time to see friends, doctors, the vet, and do some more downsizing and reorganizing. I reserved a little vacation home for the month, and it didn’t hurt that it was in my old neighborhood…right around the corner from where I used to live, actually. Joy and Shiloh get to walk their old trails, and they have a fenced yard too. Financially it’s a splurge for me, but ok for a rare occasion.

I was able to hang the wedding cloths in a real closet and set up an ironing board…kinda necessary for this situation. I’ve borrowed my sewing machine back from Anne and made curtains for WS. (I hung them a couple of days ago and I like the look!) I’ve spread out all over the place as I reorganize and downsize. So far we’ve seen the vet and two doctors and I’ve had a procedure done. I have two more doctors, lab work, and the dentist, yet to see and do. I’ve been able to visit with friends and family. I plan to get new tires for WS before I leave, too. Not to mention cleaning WS and JR inside and out, which I’m in the process of doing.

I’ve been completely healthy all this time on the road, but 3 days after settling into a stix and brix I caught a whopper of a cold…yes…just in time for the wedding. It quickly settled in my chest so I got a prescription for some super cough medicine from one of my doctors and that really made the difference for my enjoyment of the wedding…and allowing me not to spread this thing by coughing all over everyone.

I must say though, that my Wandering Spirit feels…uneasy…anxious. Even though I know that being here is a good thing and I’m getting a lot of things accomplished, I’m feeling antsy. I have a strong urge to be back living inside WS again, and I want to be on the road, exploring this amazing world!

Mandy & Jason

This one was special.
This one was magical.
I’m still under the spell, and I don’t have a lot of words to express….
But, happily, I have a lot of pictures.

Here comes the bride, and her dad.

So Beautiful

Vows

Kisses

JOY!

The girls…

The boys

The children

Mandys parents

Jasons mom

Thoughts….

Mr and Mrs Werk!

Baubbles

And Blue

Beauties!

Toasts

And speeches.

Some tears…

Cake

Beautiful setting

Dancing

Plus lots and lots of friends and family and love to bless the event.

Thank you so much to everyone who participated and wished them well.  They deserve the very best!

Jason, my son and Mandy, my brand new daughter, I love you so much!

April 27-30

This Santa Clara County Park is in the hills east of Gilroy, around the Coyote Reseviour. I find this to be a fairly nice place to camp, at least at the end of April. Later in the season it will be hotter than I’m comfortable with. There is a decent amount of water in the lake…enough to launch boats. The problem seems to be in the length of the lake because it’s at least a half mile shorter than it used to be.

The smaller section of the campground has electric and water hookups. A much larger section has no hookups, but is closer to the lake, only because the lake is…shorter. I camp in the section with hookups. All the sites are back in, and a couple of fellow campers help me with that task.

There are very few campers here, as few as 3 of us, and as many as 7 on different days.

From Gilroy (Garlic Capitol of the world, you know!), there are about 5 miles of windy, hilly roads to get to the park. Once in the park, there are many trails, and dogs ARE allowed on them! While you are here you may see deer, turkeys, wild pigs, coyote, fox, and even a Mountain Lion. I saw plenty of deer and turkeys, and none of the rest.

The biggest problem for us….misquitoes! There are a LOT of them and they prove to be the worst predators we encounter. There is a serene beauty in the hills and lake, and flawless blue sky. A peaceful place.

Coyote Lake in the morning.

Contemplating the trail ahead.

A view

Lots of wildflowers.

Live Oak

Buckeye in bloom

California Bay Laurel

Shiloh makes a cool nest in the weeds

What does one do all day, when camped at an RV park?

I’m not sure what you would do, but I’ll tell you what I do…but first I want to post this picture for Kathy. In ‘comments’ from my last blog she was asking about getting a van vs. a truck. She is on the short side, as am I, and she was wondering about getting in and out of the truck bed.

tailgate step, open

This is the tailgate step I was trying to explain. Normally it lives inside the tailgate. It pulls out very easily.

Also Kathy, since you asked about vans, I’ve met my neighbors who tow with one. They gave me a peek inside theirs, which is a commercial type with no second seat. There is loads of space and they like it because they can keep their bicycles back there…two regular ones and a ‘bicycle built for two’ fit easily with lots of room left over.

**Ok, so back to the original question….what do I DO all day? Well, one thing is that I get to meet my temporary neighbors and learn all kinds of things, as you can see above! RVer’s tend to be a friendly bunch. I’m quite a bit on the shy side, but I find if I smile, often enough conversations can start easily. My dogs especially, are excellent conversation starters.

**I’m planning our summer! I’ll be in my home area until the end of May, and then the plan is to head north, and first spend some time with the Big Trees along the California coast. Last year when I went through the area I didn’t have much time to spend there, but after reading “Zen On Wheels” blog about his adventures, I knew I wanted to take my time in that area this year.

In July I’ll be on or near the Oregon coast. My vision is for Joy and Shiloh to be running along those empty, wide, sandy beaches that they enjoyed so much last year. Then on we go into Washington, this time spending a couple of weeks on the Olympic Peninsula in the rainforest and on the beaches. August should find us slowly making our way to Glacier National Park, where we will spend a week at St. Mary before heading up into Canada to visit friends Shirlee and Doug, and camping in some spectacular, super dog friendly places near their ‘stomping ground’.

Plans after I leave them around September 1 are still fuzzy, but I’m thinking along the lines of Banff National Park, and Yellowstone, and ???

I’m working on reservations now, for critical times and places. Independence Day and Glacier NP are taken care of so far.

**There are always walks to take. Our walks here have revealed some pretty spring wildflowers.

Morning Glories!

The flower lined walk.

It rained two nights ago, and by walking time in the morning, the sun was shining. The fragrance of the flora was amazing, as the sun warmed the wet leaves and wildflowers.

See the raindrops, still clinging to the flowers?

Uvas Pines RV Park has been a nice place to stay for a week. We are situated beside Uvas Creek, where the dogs have enjoyed dips on warm afternoons.

Uvas Creek, a nice place for Joy and Shiloh to cool off.

A couple of miles down the road is Uvas Reservoir, where they have also been for a couple of swims.

Uvas Reservoir

**Reading! I’ve started my 6th book this month. 🙂

**Morgan Hill Dog Park. We’ve been spending a lot of time there recently. It’s not too far a drive from where we are camping, and was just slightly farther from Betabel RV Park, where we were the week before. Part of next week we will still be in the general area, so I hope to get Joy and Shiloh there a couple of more times. It’s a great place for them to run and play and roll in the grass. Last time we were there , there were 7 Goldens there together! Plus there was a Husky, some labs and plenty of mixes…just no end to the playmates. The park has a separate area for small dogs.

An then there are always the less fun happenings:

**I get my glasses fixed…again! One day at the dog park I bent down to greet an excited 1 year old Golden, who in his exuberance, sent my glasses flying off my head. A lens popped out, so my next stop was at a local optometrists office, where they fixed the problem in 5 minutes.

**We almost had a flat tire! Driving into town one day, JR started making dinging sounds and gave me a message “Low Tire Pressure!” Thank goodness she warned me that she was having an issue, because I hadn’t noticed. I held my breath and drove to the nearest gas station which was 2 or 3 miles away. I checked the tire pressure and found the right front one to be about 10 pounds down, and I could see the nail that was causing the problem. I was directed to the nearest tire repair place, a couple more miles away. Twenty minutes and $10 later, the hole was plugged and we were on our merry way. I’m watching it now, and so far, 6 days later, it’s maintaining pressure. I could have the spare put on, but I’m not sure if that’s necessary. Anyone have thoughts on that idea?

So these are a few of the things that I do, while camping in an RV park. Today I’ll pack up and hitch up and move on to a new place not too far away. Not sure about internet there, but I’ll let you know what’s up when I can.

In the story so far:

Retirement looms in the not so distant future and I make the decision to be a full time RVer and living in a minimalist way, getting in touch with nature…and perhaps even with myself. I buy a used 2011 17ft Casita with the Freedom Deluxe floor plan. I begin parting with some of my belongings.

It’s October of 2013, and in the next 10 months I need to bring this plan all together and make the dream a reality. Looking back I feel like there were 3 major projects that consumed my time.

1. I need to continue working of course. I need to do financial planning, learn about and implement Social Security benefits, Medicare and a supplemental health insurance, and moving my residency to South Dakota. These things involve research, phone calls, meetings and paperwork.

2. Getting serious about minimizing my possessions. This entailed going through closets, cupboards and drawers and putting things in 3 piles, those to keep, those to let go of and those I wasn’t sure about. And after I go through everything, do it again. And again. The group of things I was letting go of went in further piles of things to give to friends, things to donate, and things to save for an eventual yard sale.

The yard sale was held over the Memorial Day week end and I sold or gave away all my furniture, and many household items and cloths. With still 2 months until retirement, I slept on an inflatable mattress, sat in lawn chairs, and used upside down storage bins as tables. I still had too much stuff however, so I continued the process of elimination. (and it’s STILL going on even today!)

The yard sale

3. Preparing for the journey. In early March I finally had time for my ‘shakedown’ with Wandering Spirit. I took the dogs and we went to Betabel RV Park, as mentioned in part 1, so I could make sure everything worked, and I knew how to work everything. Long story short, yes, everything worked just fine, I just had to figure out how it was done. With the help of the Casita Forum, I even changed my hot water tank anode!

During these months I was also packing and repacking WS and JR to get a reality check on how much I really could…or could not…bring along. I was even making diagrams on graph paper. 🙂 Still, somehow more fit in on paper, than it did in reality!

The Freedom Deluxe Casita has a small side table with a captain chair on each side. One of the first things I did was remove the chair nearest the door, so there would be more floor space for the dogs. We needed ‘turn around’ space. This is a major reason I’m glad I have the Freedom Deluxe, because removing that chair made a big difference in our space.

I decorated, adding my own touch to make WS ‘home’ and very dog friendly. I was going to use my old stuff to save money, but in the end I bought new things at minimal expense. I figured, ‘new life = new stuff’.

Happy colors!

This was mostly new towels and linens and a few decorative items that I sewed or purchased, all in cheerful bright colors and designs.

I studied maps on and off line for hours and hours (and enjoyed every minute of it!) I highly recommend the Benchmark Atlas Books and the Allstays and Google Maps apps. I also like to have large maps of large areas to get the big picture, so I have AAA maps for that purpose.

I planned the first leg of my travels, which was a trip to South Dakota to become a resident. The plans incorporated lots of sightseeing, but also visiting friends and family on the way.

Towards the end there were various retirement parties. The last one given by the ladies I worked with was the Grand Finale, complete with showing and re-showing a skit they did and put on video to the song “Hey Micky!” I treasure that and have it on my laptop. Every time I watch it I laugh AND cry.

After July 31 I was FREE! After working for 50 years or so, it’s a little much to take in…don’t know if I’ve completely assimilated it into my being, even now.

Sunday, August 10 I headed out. First stop was in Palo Alto to visit friends Laura and Joel for a final send off and to do some fine tuning on the “Joel Pole.” That first night after getting through the Silicone Valley and East Bay traffic, I stayed at a little park in Winters, CA, beside a stream under a full moon.

The full moon at my first campsite.

The little stream by the light of the next morning.

Was I nervous and anxious? Yes! But the feelings of accomplishment and joy to finally be living my dream were humungous. The blog I posted then was called “I Did It!”, and gosh…I’m still doing it! And I hope to be doing it for quite awhile.

And….if I can do it, you can do it…if that is your dream. You will have your own set of lists to accomplish. You will have your own time frame. You will have your own hurdles to jump…physical, mental, emotional, and financial. Just work your plan, one step at a time, until you reach your goal. I think you will find that the end result was worth the effort!